theicingonthecrazycake

When life hands you lemons, toss them in the trash and eat cake

Archive for the tag “isolation”

Rabbit Holes and Gratitude Lists

Note: Sarcastic, funny Audrey has taking the day off today. She is slated to return tomorrow.

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I feel like I’m taking another free-fall into the rabbit hole, but I’ve managed to cling onto one of the twisty roots along the side and I can still see light filtering in above me. Fuck this, I am not hitting the bottom again. There may be cute chipmunks down at the bottom of this hole, but there are also cute chipmunks outside of the rabbit hole. See? See how cute they are in the sunlight OUTSIDE the rabbit hole?

I don’t really know what the hell is wrong with me. I can’t seem to get a grip. The start of 2012 was tough: a lot of old feelings resurfaced and as I sat alone on New Year’s Eve, I realized I still miss H I M, NEB, aka emergency exit parachuting dude. I rang in 2009, 2010 and 2011 with him, and I had no reason to believe 2012 would be spent without him. I suppose the non-depressed side of me could turn that notion on its head and say “Thank god you’re not spending another year with him.” Some days, though, I’m just not there yet. Some days, I feel terribly alone. And paralyzed.

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