I awoke in the middle of the night, in a cold sweat. I was having one of the worst anxiety attacks of my life. An anxiety attack no amount of Xanax could temper. One week from today, I will be waking up 1,200 miles away from here, in my parents’ house. Thus, the anxiety.
What did finally temper the middle-of-the-night panic was David Sedaris. I started rereading Holidays on Ice, which is a yearly tradition for me. If you haven’t read it, I beg you to do so. And if you have, reread it. Mr. Sedaris can pull me out of the deepest, darkest rabbit hole. He is Xanax in book form, and he made me laugh myself silly at 3am. He also makes me strive to be a better, funnier writer. (I’m still working on that. A lot.)
Anxiety, you ask? It’s the holidays — it’s all about decking the halls and fa-la-la-la-ing and family and all that shit. Well, Norman Rockwell certainly did not paint a picture of my family. And while I love ’em to death, the word dysfunction should be on the family crest. Christmas forces us to all sit in the same room for hours on end, which can sometimes be a recipe for disaster (while providing excellent writing material).
So in the spirit of the holidays let me present to you the cast of Holidays on Eggshells. This “family” is not my family, per se (cough), but my real family did provide a teeny-tiny bit of the foundation.
Holidays on Eggshells
To be presented for a limited one-night engagement at the Sigmund Freud Regional High School gym. Free admission, but donations kindly accepted to pay for family’s mental health care.
CAST OF CHARACTERS