A Day in the Life
It’s been a long day and I still have miles to go before I sleep. I have 3 million work projects to finish before I leave for home next week, I still have Christmas gifts to buy, my kitchen floor is in serious (as in “call the health department”) need of several deep cleanings, there’s a basket of dirty laundry calling my name and I’m totally stressed about going home for the holidays. Never mind I’m still battling (and winning the battle, for now) major depression. Calgon, take me away.
I work from home, so I cannot shut out some of my nagging to-dos by hunkering down in an office all day. I pass by the unmade bed, I stare at the kitchen floor while making tea, and so on. I need the distraction of the annoying coworker who clips his toenails at his desk, holiday pot-luck lunches and idle water-cooler talk!
Being home, however, has enlightened me about my pets’ behavior during the day. They are lazy. They sleep. They eat. They meow and whine. And then they sleep some more. And then eat. Damn, if they only had opposable thumbs. Yes, they could do some seriously bad stuff (feeding themselves, opening the fridge, opening the front door…). But, I could send them off to work! The extra income would be nice. I think Dolly would make an excellent Starbucks barista. And Edison, I see him as a salesman or Chippendale’s dancer. He is very charming and quite handsome.
Anyway, as I sat at my desk working feverishly today, surrounded by the sound of snoring animals, I had an idea. I decided to take some photographs of what my pets do throughout the day. Based on the evidence documented below, I have decided that if I’m not reincarnated as a tree or wild bird, my third choice would be a dog or cat.
DISCLAIMER: A 5-year-old could probably take better photos than me. Enjoy!
10:02 a.m. — Taking a little snooze. The bed is my precious. That human can sleep on the couch as far as I’m concerned.
11 a.m. — I showed some claws and ran the dog off the bed. Now it’s time for my twice-yearly grooming. (Note from owner: He is a horrible groomer; I think he was dropped on his head as a kitten. If I didn’t brush him, he’d look like a disheveled, orange and white tumbleweed.)
11:14 a.m. — Grooming can be sooooo exhausting. Time for a siesta with my favorite goat and squirrel toys.
11:52 a.m. — I am a naughty dog. I just got reprimanded for eating out of the litter box.
1:31 p.m. — Rub my belly, bitch.
2:30 p.m. — Oh happy time! The afternoon walk is when I can chase squirrels, smell every blade of grass and bark menacingly at any human or animal that does not meet my very high standards. And yes, that is my tongue sticking out.
3:44 p.m. — Dinner time. I’m so excited, I could wet myself. (Note from owner: It took her less than one minute to eat everything. I timed it. And please don’t judge my kitchen floor. I know it’s gross.)
3:45 p.m. — I’m just chilling out, watching the squirrels and contemplating life.
4:30 p.m. — Sheer exhaustion from dinner and sleeping all day. Nappy time!