When life hands you lemons, toss them in the trash and eat cake

A Day in the Life

It’s been a long day and I still have miles to go before I sleep. I have 3 million work projects to finish before I leave for home next week, I still have Christmas gifts to buy, my kitchen floor is in serious (as in “call the health department”) need of several deep cleanings, there’s a basket of dirty laundry calling my name and I’m totally stressed about going home for the holidays. Never mind I’m still battling (and winning the battle, for now)  major depression. Calgon, take me away.

I work from home, so I cannot shut out some of my nagging to-dos by hunkering down in an office all day. I pass by the unmade bed, I stare at the kitchen floor while making tea, and so on. I need the distraction of the annoying coworker who clips his toenails at his desk, holiday pot-luck lunches  and idle water-cooler talk!

Being home, however, has enlightened me about my pets’ behavior during the day. They are lazy. They sleep. They eat. They meow and whine. And then they sleep some more. And then eat. Damn, if they only had opposable thumbs. Yes, they could do some seriously bad stuff (feeding themselves, opening the fridge, opening the front door…). But, I could send them off to work! The extra income would be nice. I think Dolly would make an excellent Starbucks barista. And Edison, I see him as a salesman or Chippendale’s dancer. He is very charming and quite handsome.

Anyway, as I sat at my desk working feverishly today, surrounded by the sound of snoring animals, I had an idea. I decided to take some photographs of what my pets do throughout the day. Based on the evidence documented below, I have decided that if I’m not reincarnated as a tree or wild bird, my third choice would be a dog or cat.

DISCLAIMER: A 5-year-old could probably take better photos than me. Enjoy!


10:02 a.m. — Taking a little snooze. The bed is my precious. That human can sleep on the couch as far as I’m concerned.

11 a.m. — I showed some claws and ran the dog off the bed. Now it’s time for my twice-yearly grooming. (Note from owner: He is a horrible groomer; I think he was dropped on his head as a kitten. If I didn’t brush him, he’d look like a disheveled, orange and white tumbleweed.)

11:14 a.m. — Grooming can be sooooo exhausting. Time for a siesta with my favorite goat and squirrel toys.

11:52 a.m. — I am a naughty dog. I just got reprimanded for eating out of the litter box.


1:31 p.m. — Rub my belly, bitch.

2:30 p.m. — Oh happy time! The afternoon walk is when I can chase squirrels, smell every blade of grass and bark menacingly at any human or animal that does not meet my very high standards. And yes, that is my tongue sticking out.

3:44 p.m. — Dinner time. I’m so excited, I could wet myself. (Note from owner: It took her less than one minute to eat everything. I timed it. And please don’t judge my kitchen floor. I know it’s gross.)

3:45 p.m. — I’m just chilling out, watching the squirrels and contemplating life.

4:30 p.m. — Sheer exhaustion from dinner and sleeping all day. Nappy time!

Single Post Navigation

3 thoughts on “A Day in the Life

  1. Haha! I always think of Luke (dog/cat) and Crosby (cat/dog) as college stoners. When I com home around lunch time it’s always like I am disturbing them. “Oh sorry guys, just coming home to grab a bite so I can go back to slaving away at work to pay for this house you live in.” I kinda understand how parents feel when their kids become sloths. I am waiting for the day when I come home to weed smoke billowing from under the door, and walk into pizza boxes on the floor with Cheech and Chongs Up In Smoke playing on repeat. I am bringing home job applications next week….

  2. Haha, the first photo of your cat is brilliant; I have one of my old cat in the exact same pose. I love the positions cats find to sleep in, they always seems to do sleep much better than humans can.

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: